There's No Place Like Team Rocket
by It's The Dee
Summary: Jessie is 'blasted off' into the land of Roz, where a mysterious ruler called The Boss can grant her every wish - for a price. Will Jessie find her way home, or will a vengeful witch ruin her plans?


_There's No Place Like Team Rocket_

The day started out normally- well, as normal as it gets for Team Rocket. They tried the old and useless pitfall plan again, in a feeble attempt to catch Pikachu. But, this time, Bulbasaur got Ash and friends out of the hole, and a good old-fashioned Pokemon Battle issued.

"Go Wobbufet!" Jessie called, throwing out the Pokeball.

"Go Victreebell!" James followed Jessie's lead. Before he could get eaten by the voracious flower, James commanded it to attack. "Razorleaf on Bulbasaur!"

Ash smirked. "All right Pikachu. Thunderbolt attack!"

"CHU!"

The electrical charge went through the trio, though by now they were pretty used to it. Even so, they screamed to make it look more dramatic.

"Staryu, blast them off with your water gun!" Misty ordered.

The star did as it was told. The extreme water pressure sent Team Rocket up and out, blasting off once more and fading out with a ding.

Only this time, things were a little bit different. Jessie and Wobbuffet flew in a different direction from their Rocket friends. As she was sailing through the sky, her head hit a Pidgeot flying the other direction. Everything went black, as Jessie passed out.

* * *

Jessie woke up in a sunny, happy-looking town. She rolled off of something uncomfortable, only to find it was her own Wobuffet. "Where am I?"

She took in her surroundings. There were small cottages dotted along green lawns with a sparkling lake in the center. All of the houses were unusually small, like they belonged to Leprechauns or small Pokemon. A road made of blue carpet ran through the center of the village.

"I don't think we're in Johto anymore," Jessie remarked.

"Wob!"

She stood up, dusting off her Team Rocket uniform and trying to figure out which way would get her back to James and Meowth. As she walked, she thought she saw little golden heads pop up from behind a wall. Jessie whirled around, to see what it was. They ducked down immediately, giggling.

"All right, who are you!? Quit screwing with me!" Jessie shouted angrily, brandishing a paper fan.

A white flag waved in the air, then six Pikachu heads came up. "Pika!"

"Huh?" Jessie was rendered speechless as groups of little Pikachu came out of the houses, from behind trees and over gates.

"Pika, Pikachu!" a distiguished-looking one said, which, in Pokelanguage, is roughly translated to: "Hello there."

"Um, hi," Jessie said timidly. The wheels in her head were turning; if she could catch all these Pikachu, maybe the boss would give her a nice raise...

"Pik, Pikachu! Pika pi!"

Jessie didn't have a clue what he was saying, but decided to try and gain its trust. "Hello. I'm not gonna hurt you. Why don't you come with me, and meet some friends of mine, huh? You can ride in a nice, comfy Pokeball too..."

The rat cocked its head. "Pikachu?"

"Can't you understand me?"

"Pika!" he nodded. He pointed to her, then back at himself. "Pi pikachu!"

"Uh... I don't have a clue what you just said, little rat, but if you come with me I can find a translator-"

The Pikachu let out a shrill whistle. A couple seconds later a turquoise cloud floated down from the sky. It landed on the ground, then took shape and became a boy, about fourteen, with black hair and a blue headband. He had on some kind of weird sorcerer's outfit.

"Who're you?" Jessie asked.

"Uh..." the boy seemed to be thinking hard. "Just a sec." He pulled out a sketch pad, muttering, "What's my line, oh, what is it...?" He found what he was looking for. "RIGHT!" He shoved it away, then looked at Jessie. "Ah- hem... are you a good witch, or a bad witch?"

"A good WHAT?" An anger vein popped out on her head. "Listen up, buddy, where do you get the nerve callin' a beautiful girl like me a witch, huh? Come down here and say that to me, headband-boy!"

The magician held up his hands. "Oh, no, I don't mean it like it's a bad thing. I'm a witch - well, a warlock - too. Call me Terrance, the Good Warlock from the North. See, I just figured you were a witch since you killed the Wicked Warlock from the East."

Jessie stopped, inches from hitting the stranger. "The who?"

Terrance pointed to a still form lying underneath an unconscious Pidgeot. All you could see was a head, with a Pokemon League Hat sticking out from below the bird. "The Wicked Warlock from the East."

"Him!?" Jessie yelped. "Aw, crap. Look, pal, promise you won't put this on my record, okay? I'm already a thief - murder is the _last _thing I need..."

"Record?" the warlock laughed. "Why would I do that? You did the Pikkans a favor!"

"Huh?"

Terrance gestured to all the Pikachus. "The Pikkans, the ones who live here. They've been terrorized by that warlock for years. But, now that he's dead, they can finally relax."

"Pikachu! Pika pi pika pika!"

He translated. "He says you flew out of the sky like an angel and rescued them from danger."

Jessie tossed her hair. "Angel, hm? Smart rat."

The Pikkan smiled. He let off another length of "pikas" then Terrance translated. "He says you're welcome to become the ruler of the Pikkan Territory, if you want."

She considered the idea. Being a queen would be a nice thing, but first Jessie needed to get back home, so she could get everything she owned... and maybe bring James and Meowth along, if they asked nicely. "Sounds great. But, uh, do you know how I can get back to Johto? I got some friends who would love to share the wealth."

Terrance looked confused. "Johto? I don't remember reading about any Johto in my geography classes... of course, that _was _a few hundred years ago..."

"Where are we, anyway?" Jessie interrupted, not wanting the warlock to take a trip down memory lane.

"Pikkan Territory, in the Land of Roz."

"ROZ!?" Now there was a place _Jessie _had never heard of. "Oh, who cares where I am? You're a magician - get me back to Team Rocket!"

Terrance shook his head slowly. "I can't do that. My powers don't go past the borders of Roz." He paused, in thought. "But... you _could _ask The Boss."

Jessie winced, thinking of her own boss. "Th-The Boss? Who's he?"

"He's a very powerful sorcerer, the greatest in all of Roz. That's why he's The Boss." Terrance tapped his wand, trying to remember something. "He lives in the middle of the country, in Sapphire City. If anyone can help you back to your Team Rocket, he can."

"Great. How do I get there?" Jessie asked eagerly, wanting to get her partners and then come back to bask in the glories of queendom.

The warlock was about to answer when a bright orange streak blazed through the air. All the Pikkans screamed, taking cover under anything nearby. The blur slowed down to reveal a pre-teen girl sitting on a broomstick. She had on a magician's cloak, like Terrance, but also had a pointy hat and red suspenders. Her black, shiny top showed part of her stomach.

"All right, which one of you did it!?" she snapped. "Which one of you killed my boyfriend!?" She glared at Terrance. "It was you, wasn't it!? You were always so jealous 'cause he was a better magician - I bet you dropped that Pidgeot on his head!"

"Actually," Jessie said, raising her hand, "I killed the warlock over there."

"YOU!" The witch turned her eyes to Jessie. "You stupid third-rate witch! I'll turn you into a Magikarp and let you suffocate!"

Oops. Bad idea to say that. The witch raised her hand to fire; Jessie closed her eyes and wondered if it hurt much when you got turned into something else. She waited a little while... Nothing. Jessie opened her eyes. "Um... why am I not a fish yet?"

Terrance laughed, tapping her head. "Because I gave you the East Warlock's League Hat. Old Myst over there can't touch you, now."

"You idiot!" Myst screeched at Terrance. "That's against the rules! You can't interfere in my personal business!"

"I can if we're in my territory," Terrance reminded her. "This may be the east, but it's also the _north_east. You're useless around here, and I can help whoever I want. Now get lost, girlie, before you get beaked by a bird, too!"

Myst looked about to blow something up, but only stomped her foot angrily. "Don't think this is the end! If she's going to Sapphire City she's going to have to leave your land, and _then_! Ah, then... I'll get you, and your little Wobuffet too!" She snapped her fingers, and became another blur of orange. Myst was gone in a second.

"What a witch!" Jessie said once she'd left.

"Well... yeah," Terrance agreed. "That's the Wicked Witch of the West. I have a feeling you're going to have some trouble with her if you want to get to Sapphire. You _could _just stay here, you know..."

Jessie bit her lip. As much as she wanted to be a queen, she didn't want to do it in a land where everyone spoke Pikachu-ish and the only other human was some warlock. "Nah, I'll go back home, but I'll be back soon."

Terrance shrugged. "If that's your choice, I won't stop you. To get to Sapphire just follow the carpeted road southwest. You can't miss it. It's a huge fortress made entirely out of crystal. Have fun. And remember, for the love of magic, don't take that hat off!"

Jessie frowned. "But it really clashes with the uniform..."

"Trust me, it'll be worth it. Just follow the carpeted road..." Terrance turned back into a blob of turqoise, then disappeared.

"Follow the carpeted road?" Jessie thought aloud. "Seems simple enough." She turned to her Pokemon friend. "Say Wobuffet, do you feel like you're in some real old-timey movie?"

"Wob?"

"Huh. Must be my imagination. All right, then, the carpeted road to Sapphire City, where The Boss will take me home!" Jessie trotted off down the path, Wobuffet close behind, with all the Pikkans waving her off.

* * *

Not ten minutes into her trip, Jessie came upon a field of rose bushes. At the beginning of the field, the road forked, splitting in two different directions.

"Which way now?" Jessie asked no one, trying to figure out which way was southeast.

"Well, most people would say right is right," a voice said.

Jessie whirled, but saw only more sky and rose bushes.

"But, then again, others think right is always wrong, so maybe left would be best." The voice paused. "It's a paradox, I think."

"Who said that?" she demanded, looking in all directions.

"Pst! Down here!"

Jessie looked down. There lay a teen about her age, half in and half out of a rose bush. He had blue hair, and bright green eyes, reminding Jessie disturbingly of her partner back home. His hair was a darker blue, though, and longer, so she knew it wasn't really him.

"Hi," he greeted.

"Uh, what are you doing down there?" Jessie wondered.

"Looking for a lost bottlecap. I collect them," he explained. "What are you doing up there?"

"Trying to figure out which way to go. Do you think you could help?"

He thought for a moment. "Move to your right."

"Why?"

"Want me to help you?"

Jessie grumbled a "fine," then took a step to the right. He reached down where her foot had been and picked up something shiny.

"Thanks. I dropped this one, and you stepped on it as soon as I'd found it," he told her, holding the cap out for her to see. "My name's Morgan. And you are...?"

Jessie started a little. How weird - that was James' _last _name. "Oh, I'm Jessie." She pointed to the bottlecap. "So, you collect those?"

He nodded. "I've got just about every kind there is. The entire soda pop collection, actually." His smile dropped. "Well, all except one." He stuffed the cap in his pocket. "See, I've been looking for this one for years, and I can't find it anywhere."

Not really caring, but hoping to get him to help her out if she made small- talk, Jessie asked, "What is it?"

"The illustrious Golden Coca-Cola Cap!" he said melodramatically, pressing a hand to his chest and reminding her once more of her partner. "There were only ten ever made! If I had that last one, I'd have the entire soft drink collection and then..." He flashed a victory sign. "Then I'd be rich, famous, and rich! The first person to ever get the whole collection! The world would be my Shellder!"

Music started to play from somewhere. Jessie looked around. "Oh boy... You're not going to _sing_, are you?"

He nodded, and immediately broke out:

_"To have a complete collection,  
It would be true perfection  
My life would be a snap!  
With the money I'd be makin'  
The world would be mine for the takin'  
If I... Only had that cap!  
_

_"No I woooouldn't have to spend  
All that time at the cap conventions!"_

"They have cap conventions?" Jessie queried.

"Uh-huh," he told her, and kept going:

_"And I'd have all the mula I could spend...  
To be complete! How sweet!  
Aaaaand-"_

Jessie held up a hand. "That's plenty, thanks."

"Are you sure? I've still got about three more verses."

"That's _really _not necessary."

"Your loss." He sighed, slumping against the rose garden's fence. "But it's no good. I'm never going to find it, and I'll always be some useless gardener selling roses to passerbys." He sighed again. "Wanna buy a flower for your boyfriend?"

"No, thanks." Jessie didn't know why, but she kind of felt sorry for the teen. "Uh, well, I'm going to see this magician guy called The Boss. He's supposed to be really strong, so maybe if you asked him nicely he could get you the Pepsi Cap."

"Coca-Cola," he corrected. His frown turned to a smile. "Really? You'd take me with you all the way to this guy, just so I could get a bottlecap?"

"Sure, why not? I could use the company."

He hugged Jessie, nearly crushing her in the process. "Thank you so much! You must be the nicest person in all of Roz!" He let her go suddenly, diving into the roses. In a moment he came back up with a perfect red one. "Here. It's not much, but when I get rich I'll buy you a mall or something."

She took the flower, hoping she hadn't just picked a _total _nut case for a companion. "Uh, thanks, I guess. So, can you help me out?"

"Sure. What do you need?" he asked willingly.

"Do you know which road leads to Sapphire City?"

"Nope."

"Do you know which direction The Boss lives in?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Do you at least know which direction southeast is!?"

"Um... can't say I do."

Jessie fell over. "Wonderful. You're completely worthless, insane and an idiot."

"Not really," he said cheerfully. "I've got a patented way to find out which way to go. It never fails!"

She figured she ought to give it a try. "Fine, then. How's that?"

He dug around in his pocket until he pulled out a bottlecap. "Here we go." Morgan tossed it in the air. "Brand name up is left!" He caught it as the cap landed brand name down. "Guess we'll go right."

Jessie face-vaulted. "_That _was your fool-proof solution?"

"Yep. Pretty useful, huh?"

"You are such an idiot. No wonder you remind me of James..." she grumbled, walking down the right fork.

He walked up on her left. "You'll thank me when we reach Sapphire. My cap technique never fails." He trotted along in silence for a while, clearing his throat several times.

"What is it?" she snapped.

"Well, I wasn't going to say anything, but since you asked... did you know that hat is a _major _fashion mistake with that uniform?"

Jessie hit him with a paper fan.

* * *

Before long Jessie and her new friend reached a peaceful-looking forest. They were walking along lazily, enjoying the shade that the branches gave them, when a loud noise to their right echoed through the woods. It was followed by some shouts, and stumbling footsteps. In a couple seconds, the same noise of something hitting something else came, along with shouts, and more footsteps.

"What is it?" Jessie asked.

Morgan whimpered. "You don't think it eats people, do you?"

"Oh, don't be a moron... well, I guess you can't really help it..." Jessie groaned. "Now you're making _me _sound like an idiot! I knew stupidity was contagious..."

Suddenly a tanned teenage boy, a few years younger than Jessie, stumbled out of the forest. He squinted hard at the travellers. "Um, hi... Man, I hope I'm not talking to a tree again..."

He started to walk towards them, but tripped over a rock. He fell forward, straight into Jessie's arms. Jessie blinked several times, looking down at the strange boy.

"Oh, good, you are real..." More squinting. "What's your name, mister?"

An anger vein popped out on her head. She hit him, sending him head over heels back on the path. "Mister, huh? Then I suppose you're going to tell me _that_," she pointed to Morgan, "is a fairy princess!"

Yet more squinting. "Is she?"

"She?" Morgan looked confused. "Well, I _know _I'm not a girl... least, I wasn't, last time I checked... and I didn't get crowned overnight, did I?"

Jessie decided to ignore him. "What's the matter with you, whatever-your-name-is!? Can't you see?" She waved a hand in front of his face. "Or maybe you just like to annoy beautiful women like myself!"

"A beautiful woman...?" He blushed. "Oh, I'm so sorry, miss! Of course, now, I don't see _how _I could have made the mistake! You're so lovely, and gorgeous, that I can't take my eyes off of you!"

"What color's my hair?" she asked dryly.

He squinted. "Um... er... blue?"

She fell over. "Colorblind _and _stupid, huh?"

"What? Oh, no, nothing like that!" The teen's face fell into a sorrowful frown. "It's a bitter tale I have to tell, a bitter one indeed."

Jessie sat down on a tree stump. "Bitter tale, huh? Okay, Romeo, let's hear it."

He made as if to wipe a tear from his eye. "Romeo? Yes, that was what all the girls used to call me... in the happier days." He sniffled. "You see, not too long ago I was the most popular guy in the whole forest. The girls couldn't get enough of me! I was in heaven, enjoying all the beautiful women who I loved and who loved me back. Until..." he smacked a hand to his forehead and spun once before collapsing to his knees, "HEARTBREAK! I woke up one morning to find that I couldn't see three inches in front of my face! It's all just one big, nasty blur! And the worst part... the worst part..." He threw his head back and wailed. "I CAN'T SEE ALL THE LUSCIOUS GIRLS ANYMORE!" The tears actually looked real, now.

The Rocket heard a corny tune begin to play and sweat-dropped. "Another song?"

"Yup," he agreed, and sang:

_"It's really quite a pity  
When there's no girls that I can see  
My life's not very bright!  
Oh I'd be seein' twenty-twenty  
All the girls from slim to chunky  
If I... only had my sight!"_

Jessie was just about to suggest that he go see an eye doctor (assuming they had those in Roz), when Morgan interrupted, sobbing uncontrollably.

"That is the most heart-wrenching story I've heard in years, and I've heard some doozies!" He ran up to the still-balling boy, cupping the stranger's hands into his own. "No man should be stripped of their ability to see beautiful things - it's inhuman!"

He nodded, sobbing miserably. "But what could I possibly do?"

Jessie almost got a chance to get in her own piece, when her companion started off again. "There's only one thing you can do! You must come with us, to Sapphire City where The Boss will restore your precious vision!"

"He'd... he'd do that for me?"

"Maybe..." Jessie began.

Once again Morgan stopped her. "Of course! He's The Boss, isn't he!? I mean, if he's gonna help her," he pointed to Jessie, "do a little thing like get home, I know he'd work on something as important as your vision!"

Jessie frowned. "A little thing?! I don't even think I'm from this _planet_!"

The two boys ignored her. The sightless one smiled wide. "Finally! After weeks of heartbreak, I'll be able to look upon the glorious fairer sex once again!" He made a victory sign, jumping up and hitting a tree branch above his head. He fell flat again. "Uh... you think I could hang on to one of you?"

After a bit of tripping and failed hand-holding, Jessie's new companion grabbed onto the back of her uniform and stumbled off. Jessie tried to make conversation. "So, what's your name anyway?"

"Harris," he replied. "And you, fair angel, are...?"

"Jessie," came the quick answer. "The idiot flipping the bottlecap is Morgan." As the other boy looked over to wave cheerfully, the cap he was tossing came back to hit him on the head. Jessie sweat-dropped. "I wonder if I could get any more useless travelling partners on this trip?"

Before either of her companions could answer, an orange streak wizzed by and landed atop a nearby cottage. It was Myst, of course, ready to cause more trouble. "So, I see you hired a couple bodyguards. Not a bad idea, but they don't look too tough to me."

"My girl-dar is all aquiver!" Harris cried. "Where is she? Point me towards the woman!"

Jessie jerked his head none-too-lightly in Myst's direction. "Over there, Sightless Wonder - and trust me, witches probably aren't your type."

Harris squinted at the cottage. "She's rather wide, and so tall, too."

Myst sweat-dropped. "I thought I knew him. Harris, the village flirt." She peered at Jessie's other new friend, who didn't seem to be paying much attention to what was going on. "Let's hope your other bodyguard is a bit more competent, for your sake."

"Oh trust me, he's not," Jessie said dryly. She smacked Morgan on the back of the head. "Pay attention, and try to act menacing."

He nodded vigorously, squinting his eyes and gritting his teeth in what was supposed to be a tough act. It was everything but. Myst cackled. "That's right! Rose-boy, from the fork in the road. Hey kid, look what I got!" She produced a golden bottlecap from her sleeve.

Morgan turned serious almost immediately. "Where, where did you-!?" She grinned, hitting the bottlecap with her wand. It shattered in ten pieces. Jessie thought Morgan was going to have a stroke. She had to hold him back so he wouldn't attack the powerful sorceress. "You witch! There's only nine left in the world now!"

"Well doesn't it suck to be you?" Myst laughed again, sticking her tongue out at the three of them. "Good thing you got that hat, girly. But I'll figure out a way to get it, and then you'll pay!" And she disappeared in a flash of orange light.

"Thank God she's gone," Jessie said. She released her hold on Morgan, who fell forward in the process.

Harris continued to stare at the house. "Gone? But she's standing right there. You must be blinder than me if you don't see her, she's so large..."

Jessie was tired of listening to Squintyboy. She grabbed him by the collar and dragged him off into the forest, berating the nearly blind kid as she went. Morgan followed close behind, muttering dire threats as to what he'd do to Myst if he ever saw her again.

* * *

The forest darkened a good deal as they continued, growing thicker the further they walked. Morgan had given up cursing the Witch of the West's name and was now concentrating all his brain-power on looking for dangerous things in the woods. "Wh-what sorta stuff d'you think lives out here?" he asked.

Harris, still being half carried by Jessie, waved a hand dismissively. "Lots of stuff. I lived on the edge of this forest most of my life, you know. But, let me see... mostly Houndooms, Pinsirs and Ursarigs."

"Houndooms, Pinsirs and Ursarigs?" Jessie repeated.

"Oh my!" Morgan yelped.

Jessie promptly hit him with a frying pan. "Quit being a wimp. You're supposed to be my bodyguard, so act like one!" She was about to hit him again, just for the heck of it, when a rustling in the bushes stopped her. "What was that?"

Harris cocked an ear to the shrubbery. "Sounds like an animal of some kind."

"D-dangerous?" Morgan whimpered, one hand over his eyes and the other above his head, just in case Jessie decided to smack him again. "Is it gonna eat us?"

"Hm..." The bushes rustled again. Harris shrugged. "Can't tell what it is. Only one way to find out." He cupped a hand to his mouth, shouting into the woods, "Come out come out whatever you are!"

Jessie held her breath as the shrubs parted, a small shadow the only thing visible. A high-pitched, British accent greeted them. "Whoi shouldn't you take a Pokemon to th' bathroom with you?"

Morgan blinked. "Um, why?"

The shadow jumped out into the road, holding a microphone in one hand. Jessie relaxed visibly when she saw it was a Meowth. "Because it'll Pikachu! Get it? Peek at you? Haha... aha..." All that greeted his weak joke was cricket chirping. "Oh, come on, get it? Really, don't y'get it?"

"Oh, we get it," Harris agreed dryly. "It's just, well..."

"Horrible," Jessie interrupted. "The pun sucks, and your delivery is way off."

The Meowth seemed crestfallen at her blunt answer. He perked up for a moment. "Well, if y'don't like that, 'ow about this?" He paused in thought, cleared his throat a few times, then continued. "Did you 'ear about th' low-fat Pokemon?"

"Butterfree," Jessie, Morgan and Harris all answered in unison.

The Meowth's ears drooped. "You're just loik every other bloody audience I get."

Jessie heard the oh-so-familiar music start up in the background, and knew what was coming next.

_"Y'know in all these woods  
There's nothin' quite so good  
As bringin' laughter to the blokes!  
I'd be so very funny  
An' be makin' lots of money  
If I... only 'ad good jokes!"_

The cat couldn't continue singing. Without warning he threw his head back and cried to the trees. "I'M THE WORLD'S WORST COMEDIAN!"

Jessie winced at the loud screech from the cat's mouth. "Every comedian goes through slumps once in a while. You have to know how to handle it. Find some new material, ask around for jokes, and eliminate the really corny ones."

He continued his wailing. "BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE T'GET NEW MATERIAL! ALL THE FOREST POKEMON KNOW EVERY JOKE I KNOW! IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Morgan gritted his teeth against the ear-splitting noise, covering his ears in the process. "We've got to figure out a way to get this cat to shut up!"

The only idea came from Harris, who had to shout to be heard over the balling animal. "Why don't you come with us to The Boss!? I bet he could give you new material!"

"THE BOSS!? THAT WIZARD CHAP!? WOULD 'E DO THAT F'ME!?"

Jessie wasn't too keen on getting another travelling partner from this insane asylume that was Roz, but didn't think she could stand more of that crying. "Yes, yes! You can come with us if you'll stop that screeching!"

The tears immediately dried up on the Pokemon's face, and the forest was once again silent. "Thanks. I appreciate that, seein' as 'ow y'don't even know me. Moi name's Meowth, of course, Feline Comedian and Pun Extraodinare."

Jessie made introductions as quickly as possible, wanting to get moving out. "So, Meowth, do you know if we're going the right way to Sapphire City, where The Boss is supposed to live? If not, do you at least know what direction is southwest?"

He nodded knowingly. "This path leads straight southwest, if that's wot y'wanted t'know. The forest thins out soon, too, and then it's smooth sailin' t'Sapphire. Can't say I've been there meself, but I 'ear its a jolly place."

Jessie couldn't help but smile. Finally, a companion who might have some brains. And, she thought as her smile turned into a smirk, there was _another_ way he could come in handy, too. "Good. Look, Meowth, I have a confession to make. Morgan and Harris over there are pretty much useless to me." The pair didn't seem to mind being called "useless" at all; Morgan was clipping a rose from a nearby bush and Harris was trying to make his way over to Jessie, tripping on everything possible in the process.

"Yes, m'gel, I see wot y'mean," Meowth agreed. "Anythin' I c'n do t' 'elp you get them t'Sapphire in one piece?"

Jessie grabbed Harris by the shirt collar, shoving him in the Pokemon's direction. "Think you can be a seeing eye cat?"

Meowth's eyes widened. "A seein' eye cat!? Y've got t'be joshin'!"

Before he could blink Jessie had pulled a collar out of nowhere, snapped it on his neck and had Harris hold the leash. "Just lead him around tree stumps, rocks in the road, heck, even cracks. He'll trip over it all if you aren't careful."

Harris squinted, looking towards the cat. "Aw, you got me a puppy. Good little growlithe."

Meowth face-vaulted. "I'm sure there's some 'umor in this situation, but I fail t'see it. Oh bugger, wot have I gotten meself mixed up in?"

Jessie ignored his complaints, pulling Morgan away from his rose bush. "C'mon, the sooner we get to Sapphire the sooner I can dump you off."

He nodded, stuffing the blue rose in his pocket. "Yeah, I agree completely, I think. And I'm just a few miles away from fame and fortune!" His eyes turned big and gooey. "You really think this Boss guy will help me?"

"Well I bloody well 'ope so!" Meowth huffed. "M'life isn't meant t'be spent playin' nursemaid t'the squinty-eyed chap!" He tugged on the leash, pulling Harris along. "C'mon, old thing, or I'll leave y'bum behind, so I will!"

Harris found himself being pulled along rather forcefully, regardless of the fact that he constantly tripped over everything. Somehow the boy managed to stay upright, though how Jessie would never know. "Hey, slow down Fido."

"Fido!?" Meowth shrieked. "Stupid git, do I look loik a blinkin' dog t'you!?"

Morgan set a hand to his chin. "Hm... not especially, no, but if your ears were a bit longer and your tail a bit shorter... I could understand Harris' confusion, really, though I see you more as a Rover than a Fido."

The angry cat immediately clawed both Harris and Morgan across their faces. "I'm a bloody Meowth! A MEOWTH! Whoi did I agree t'accompany a caravan of 'opeless idiots!? This is far b'low me standards, so 'tis! I demand t'be released from this collar! Don't just stand there, one of you let m'go!"

Harris rubbed hard at the scratch marks, glaring at Meowth. "Bad puppy! You won't get a treat if you keep acting like that!"

Jessie leaned against a tree, shaking in fits of laughter. Though the trio lacked quite a bit in the brains department, they sure did know how to entertain a person.

Meowth strode by her, dragging Harris behind, with Morgan in their wake. "D'you think we could be on our way, now?"

"Aye aye, Captain Fido," Jessie teased, leaning on both Morgan and Harris as she continued chuckling at their antics. "You know, I think I could actually get to liking you guys. As long as there's no real danger, this'll be more like a vacation then a 'quest,' or whatever you people in Roz wanna call it."

Meowth sniffed disdainfully. "I'm glad someone finds this t'be a lovely escapade, but I'll be much better off when me jokes're new and m'performance is top notch!"

Morgan and Harris had to agree with the cat. Unknowingly, they had adopted part of Meowth's stiff accent, saying as they tried to soothe the gouge marks on their faces, "Rather!" They looked at each other, chuckling.

Meowth's whiskers bristled in mock irritation, but he was working hard to keep a straight face. "I say, you blokes, don't go stealin' me bally accent now, wot!"

If there had been any Houndooms, Pinsirs, or Ursarigs around, they were long gone, scared off by the laughter of four friends in helpless mirth.

* * *

Meanwhile, far away from the quartet, Myst had worked herself into a royal fit, blowing up various items that stood around the room.

"It's not fair!" she shouted as she kicked a vase over, disintegrating it with a backwards zap. "That stupid girl and her stupid Wobuffet! I can't do anything to them unless I get that hat! And if they reach the Boss before I get it, I won't have a chance! It's not fair!" She looked upwards, eyes turning somewhat googly. "Oh, my darling deceased boyfriend, whatever would you do in my place? How can I stop them from reaching that blasted city?"

Togep, the leader of her flying Devilpi army, burbled on the windowsill.

"I know I have to think of her weakness, but I don't _know _her weakness!" Myst argued back. "Think, Myst, think, there has to be a way to halt her and her little friends in their tracks..."

"Tookie prrrrrri!" Togep suggested.

"Hm? Her vanity? How can you tell she's vain...?" Myst looked through the crystal pool which showed her the quartet's every move. Jessie was currently trying to smooth her uniform down and complaining about hat hair. "Togep, my little pet, you're a genius! Now, how can I work that weakness? Of course!" Myst conjured a mirror in the middle of the path about a mile ahead of the group, cackling to herself. "That should stop her long enough for me to snatch that hat off. Bwahaha, I love being me!"

* * *

It wasn't long before Jessie and company reached the edge of the forest. Once the trees cleared away, Sapphire City was clearly visible to the entire group... except Harris, of course.

"Isn't that gorgeous?" Jessie commented, viewing the various towers made entirely of silver crystal. "Inside lies my ticket out of this insane asylum-"

"-Lots of new jokes-" Meowth added.

"-Not to mention fame and fortune." Morgan smiled dreamily, drooling slightly. "And all the food we can eat." He grabbed Jessie's hand, yanking her down the path at a breakneck pace. "I can't wait, I'm starving! Mm, hamburgers, pizza, soba, spaghetti, onigiri-"

Jessie couldn't help but get a little excited herself. "Probably all free, I won't have to steal a bite! After all, I am the Queen of the Pikkan Territory!"

As they dashed down the road, Harris looked around dumbly. "Sapphire City? Where?"

Meowth sighed, grabbing the boy's hand. "C'mon, Squinty, I'll lead y'to th' blinkin' city." He watched the figures of Jessie and Morgan become smaller, sighing wistfully. "I sure 'ope they save some of that food they were speakin' of f'us. I c'd use a good meal in me stomach."

It turned out that the joke-cracking cat didn't have much too worry about. After following the carpeted road over a few hills, he nearly ran slap-bang into the duo. Meowth managed a wry grin. "Glad t'see y'let us catch up..." He trailed off, noticing that the duo weren't paying any attention to him. "Er... Jessie, m'gel? Morgan, old lad?"

The bottlecap collector barely heard the cat call his name. He was looking unhappily into a full-length mirror. "Ugh, you can tell I've been sleeping in the woods for days." He tried to pull a piece of hair out of his eyes, but it promptly fell back into place. "That's what happens when you have to take a bath in stream water - your hair just doesn't get the right nutrients."

Jessie held the end of her own hair distastefully between fingertips. "Split ends. I _hate _split ends!" She ran a hand over her lips. "I miss my lipstick. That ruby red really brought out my eyes..."

Meowth blinked. "Wot's th' matter with you two? 'Ave y'gone mad or are y'joshin' me?"

"Huh, _you're_ complaining, Jessie?" Morgan said in a whining tone. He pointed to a barely noticeable red dot right on his hairline. "Look at _this_! I can't believe I have a pimple! If I'd brought my face wash along this never would have happened!"

Harris sweat-dropped. "This isn't really the time or the place to give yourself a makeover, don't you agree?"

Morgan and Jessie turned around to glare at the hapless teen. "EVERY TIME IS A GOOD TIME TO BEAUTIFY YOURSELF!"

"Of course, silly me," Harris whimpered, backing away with his hands held up.

Jessie lifted the cap slightly from her head. "Erg, hat hair! If there's one thing I hate more than split ends, it's hat hair! All my beautiful red hair, now with static and," she shuddered, "frizzed!"

Morgan squealed. "FRIZZED!? That's my worst nightmare!" He grabbed her hands, crying in sympathy for the girl.

Jessie started crying as well. "I know, Morgan! To see perfection like ours ruined-"

"-Is too painful to bear!" he finished mournfully.

Before either Meowth or Harris could blink the duo had pulled out stools and various brushes, combs, make-up, and other items from nowhere, plunking down in front of the mirror and going to work.

"I'll have to pluck this-"

"I need some hairspray to keep this outta my eyes-"

"And a quick trim to the end of my hair-"

"Do you have any vanishing cream?"

"Right here."

"Oh, thanks."

Meowth blinked, confused. "D'you suppose the mirror's been enchanted?"

Harris squinted as hard as he could. "There's a mirror?"

The cat face-vaulted. "Well, that would explain whoi it didn't affect you, an' I s'pose it didn't affect me because I'm a Pokemon..." He went to the back of the simple device, poking it experimentally. "'Ow d'you think we get rid of it?"

"Break it?" Harris suggested, trying to feel his way towards the cat.

Meowth snorted. "Wot a stupid idea, you li'l twit. If it's an enchanted mirror, d'you really think that a simple thing loik knockin' it ovah is really goin' t'do any-"

At that moment Harris tripped, knocking over Wobbuffet, who sprawled into the full-length mirror and knocked it to the side. It came toppling down, nearly hitting Meowth and shattering pieces of glass everywhere. The short-sighted boy smirked. "Stupid twit, am I?"

Meowth bowed humbly. "Moi apologies, O Wise One."

"Wob!"

Before they could celebrate, the three were set upon by a pair of very angry beautifiers.

"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" Morgan demanded.

"I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GET TO DE-FRIZZING MY HAIR!" Jessie screeched.

Meowth hid behind Harris in terror. "B-but y'were under th' spell of that mirror. 'Arris an' I were only tryin' t' 'elp..."

"Spell!? What are you talking about?" Jessie demanded, jamming the hat firmly on her head. "The only spell I was under was being entranced by how beautiful I look even when I'm not at my best."

Morgan nodded in agreement. "And if that's considered a curse then I'll live with the curse."

"Stupid gits," they both said at once.

"W-wob..." the Pokemon said apologetically, saluting its master.

Harris sweat-dropped. "You mean there wasn't a spell?"

"'Fraid not, m'boy," Meowth informed him. "Looks loik it was only a couple of narcissists with their biggest weakness roight in front of 'em."

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Morgan and Jessie demanded angrily.

Meowth sweat-dropped. "I said that we don't 'ave t'look far t'find th' cutest people in th' world, 'cause we're roight in front of 'em!"

"Oh. Okay."

* * *

It didn't take long to reach the gates of Sapphire City, which was a blessing since Harris and Meowth were afraid Jessie and Morgan would tear their heads off at any second. As soon as they got to the gate Wobbuffet pounded on it, smiling helpfully at Jessie.

A small peep hole opened up, and a pair of brown eyes looked out at them. "Yeah, what do you want?" he asked in a scratchy voice.

"We want to see The Boss, um, please," the Rocket explained. "I need to ask-"

"No one sees The Boss," the guard snapped back. "He's a very private kinda guy."

"But I need the golden bottlecap!" Morgan whined.

"And I wanna see girls again!" Harrison put in.

"I've got t'get that new material!" Meowth wailed.

"And if I don't get out of this nuthouse soon I'm gonna lose it!" Jessie added.

He sighed impatiently. "Look kids, what would happen if The Boss granted everyone who came stumbling down the carpeted road a wish, huh? He'd be exhausted. Now I'm sure you can all find perfectly good solutions to your little problems if you really want to, so beat it. I got better things to do than chat with the likes of you."

"But you're a door guard, right?" Morgan queried.

"Yeah."

"So exactly what 'better thing' would you have to do than talk to the people _at _the door?"

"Just go back to whatever asylum you came from." The guard started to close the door, when everyone outside the city looked up and began screaming. Following the gazes of the civilians, the Jessie Gang and the guard saw the Wicked Witch of the West, laughing atop her broomstick, write in orange foam: _"Resistance is Futile, Jessie! Mwahahahah"_

"Where's the last 'A'?" Meowth wondered.

"I ran outta orange foam... stuff!" Myst shouted down at the scratch-cat. "You heard what I said, Jessie, so just give it up or I'll _really _get nasty! Yahahahahahaha!" And she was gone.

"Oh, that little witch! What I wouldn't give to get her alone for a couple minutes," Morgan growled.

Harris squinted. "Whatsit say? Someone read it to me! C'mon Jess, tell me what it says!"

"Jessie?" The guard gasped. "The witch's Jessie?"

She turned back to him, thoroughly annoyed by the whole situation and just about ready to break the door down. "Yeah, got a problem with it?"

He started laughing. "No, no, of course not! Why didn't you say so in the first place, though? If I'd known you were a celebrity... Well, that's a Ponyta of a different color!"

Jessie sweat-dropped at the really bad metaphor. "So you're going to let me see this Boss guy?"

"Yes, yes!" His eyes disappeared from view, and moments later the door opened. A boy who looked disturbingly like Butch greeted them. "Ah-hem... Welcome to Sapphire City!" He waved a hand at the town dramatically, expecting the four to gasp in surprise and proclaim its beauty.

"Yeah, yeah, it's gorgeous. Now where's The Boss? I need to get back to Team Rocket."

The Butch-guard face-vaulted. "Aren't you shocked by the stunning gorgeousness of it?"

"I'll be shocked later. Right now I just wanna see The Boss."

Butch, as Jessie decided to call him, shook his head and made a clucking noise with his tongue. "Not right now you aren't. We have to get you cleaned up and into some real classy clothes, not like that skimpy little-" Jessie's head got about ten times the size of her body, and Butch immediately changed his tune, "I mean, that _lovely _uniform! It really is beautiful, very nice, very nice, but Sapphire has its little dress-codes. You understand, of course."

"Not really..." Morgan started to say, but was immediately yanked into a side room, as were the others, where they were given everything from a pedicure to new outfits to an annoying song that would remain in their head for hours.

_"Hahaha, Hohoho  
And a couple of deedeedees,  
That's how we laugh the day away  
In Saphire City."_

Jessie would have liked to rip her ears off. "Doesn't anyone on this planet _not _sing?!"

They met up outside the entrance to The Boss' room, all dressed in spotless white dresses and suits. Jessie pawed the hem of her dress unhappily. "Pure white just isn't my color."

"I look horrible in suits," Morgan sighed.

"Oh, I dunno," Harris said, smiling at his reflection in a window. "I think the white brings out the green in my eyes."

"Your eyes are green?"

The doors to The Boss' room opened, as if by_ - doodoodoo - _magic. "ENTER!" An echoing voice ordered. Jessie went first, followed closely by her friends. Meowth started singing quietly:

_"Hahaha, hohoho  
And a couple of deedeedees..."_

The Rocket shot him a glare and sang:

_"And I will ring your kitty neck  
If you don't stop that singing."_

They continued walking down the long, darkened hallway, Morgan getting a little more frightened after each step he took. "This place is spooky. M-maybe I don't want that bottlecap so much after all."

"Oh stop bein' a scaredy cat," Meowth said, knowing the joke of the sentence and loving it oh-so-much.

"Scared? Me? NEVER! It's just that I'd like to live to see my next birthday, you see..."

The room widened suddenly. Flames shot up from a podium in front of them, and a shadowy figure roared, "WHO DARES CALL UPON THE BOSS!?"

Meowth dived behind Jessie, who in turn dived behind Morgan, who then hid himself as best as possible behind Harris. Since Harris couldn't see the figure, only hear a voice, he was easily the best one off. "Er, ah-hem, excuse me, Mr. Boss, uh sir..."

"QUIT BEATING ABOUT THE BUSH AND SPIT IT OUT."

Morgan whimpered and tried to run, but Jessie held him firmly in front of her. Harris coughed to clear his throat. "We all came to ask some favors, you see."

"INDEED?"

Jessie, realizing he always spoke like he was pissed off, got her courage back. "Yes, your Boss, uh, ness. I need to get back to Team Rocket."

"And I need the golden bottlecap!"

"And I need sight!"

"And I need some new jokes!"

"Wobuffet!"

"YOU KNOW I CAN'T JUST GO AROUND GRANTING WISHES TO EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY IF THERE ISN'T ANYTHING IN IT FOR ME."

Jessie dug around in her pocket. "I got about three dollars and some string. Will that do?"

"CERTAINLY NOT! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM A THIRD-RATE BOSS!? HM... WHAT SORT OF POKEMON DO YOU HAVE?"

"Huh? No way, I'm not giving away Arbok or Wobbuffet!"

"Wob!"

"Even if the blue blob is annoying."

"Buffet!"

"USELESS, NOT VALUABLE ANYWAY." He sat in pensive silence for a moment, then spoke so suddenly it made the four jump. "IF YOU CAN KILL THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST... AND BRING ME MYST'S BROOM... THEN I WILL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT."

"The Wicked Witch of the West!?" they all shouted at once.

"No way!"

"She's crazy!"

"She's got magical powers that could kill us all!"

"Are you barkin' mad, you stupid git? No one could kill the witch without gettin' themselves killed first!"

"WATCH WHO YOU CALL A STUPID GIT, CAT! I COULD TURN YOU INTO A MARILL, YOU KNOW." Meowth shut his, well, meowth. The Boss chuckled darkly. "OF COURSE I MADE IT HARD - THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT. GRANTING WISHES IS A TOUGH BUSINESS, YOU KNOW. THAT'S MY OFFER, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT."

Jessie snorted, trying to sound braver than she felt. "Myst is all talk. I can take care of her like that," she snapped her fingers to make a point.

"Uh, Jess..." Harris began.

She ignored him. "She's tried to stop us before and she can't, so why would she be able to now?"

"Jessie, m'gel..." Meowth started to say.

"SO YOU'LL TAKE THE OFFER?"

"Of course!"

"Jess?"

"What do you _want_, Morgan!?"

"The witch in her own territory is about ten times more powerful," Morgan hissed in her ear. "Plus she's got these flying Devilpi things, and... well lots of scary stuff... and I don't know if the hat'll be enough to protect us all in her land..."

"It won't?" she asked uneasily.

Harris shook his squinty-eyed head. "I doubt if it'll even be able to protect _you _alone."

Blue lines appeared under her eyes. "So I just made an impossible deal that's going to end in us winding up as cinders?"

"Wot d'you mean _us_?" Meowth asked. "I'm certainly not goin' there, even if it means I'll nevah be a good comedian!"

"Blurry girls are better than none," Harris added.

"You know, _one _bottlecap really isn't such a big thing..." Morgan contributed uneasily.

"What are you all, a bunch of chickens!?" Jessie roared, flames sprouting up behind her as she brandished a mallet in their faces. "Gonna leave a poor helpless girl and her Wobbuffet all alone in the woods to defend themselves!?"

"Wob!"

"Um, you know, a bottlecap really is a big thing!" Morgan said quickly.

"I'd rather be dead than see blurry girls!"

"Comedy is moi game, an' I've got t'play it as well as I can!"

"LET'S GO GET OURSELVES KILLED!" the trio shouted happily, preferring to face an angry witch than Jessie at her worst.

Before Jessie could say another word the three had jerked her down the hall and out the door, on their way to Myst's Realm. As the door slammed shut, the Boss sweatdropped. "AND I THOUGHT I WAS SCARY."

* * *

In what seemed like only a few seconds the four companions were walking along a dark, dreary path in Myst's territory.

"Did I mention I was really really scared?" Morgan whimpered.

"Only about twenty times," Jessie growled. "Stop being such a chicken. There's nothing to be afraid of." Something howled to the right of them. Jessie screeched and practically leapt into Morgan's arms, which made it very hard for him to try and run away.

"Wot was that!?" Meowth demanded.

Harris looked about as nervous as the others. "I sure hope it wasn't one of Myst's flying Devilpis! They'll show up before long, you know."

"O-of... of course it wasn't," Jessie assured them. "Ha, the idea! Myst's more afraid me then I am of her, I'll bet!"

"Y'knees are shaking," Meowth pointed out.

Jessie giggled nervously and pressed down hard on her legs. "The dark is making your eyes play tricks on you. I'm as brave as... as..." A screech echoed from above. "Okay I'm scared now."

Just as the four were about to turn tail and run back to Sapphire City, a dark black mass of Pokemon swept out of the sky upon the travellers. Sure enough, Myst's personal winged army had come, just like Harris had predicted. The leader, a big nasty-looking one called Togep, burbled out orders to his henchmen. "_Keep the other three busy, and make sure they don't follow us. The rest of you with me: we get the girl and her pet_!"

Morgan swatted at one of the egg-shaped evil ones. "There's no end to them!" One of them reached into his backpack and pulled out his bottle cap collection. "HEY! GET BACK WITH THOSE!" Morgan dashed off after the cackling Devilpi, swinging his arms wildly.

Harris batted about blindly. "Where are they!? C'mon, show yourselves you cowards!" A swimsuit magazine was pushed none-too-lightly in front of his face. "Ooooh... Hey, now that's one fine-lookin' lady..."

Meowth, who wasn't going to be side-tracked by simple things like cap collections or beautiful women, was simply hung from the highest tree branch by his tail. "You blaggards! That's cheatin', 's'not fair! You come back 'ere and I'll give you wot for! Rotten buggers!"

Jessie was attacked rather viciously by most of the herd, and lifted clear off the ground, along with Wobbuffet. She groped madly for her supply of beating utensil, but couldn't seem to quite reach them. "Put me down! You stupid eggs, as soon as I get to my frying pan I'll teach you a lesson you won't soon - ow! You bit me! Why you little... let go of my arms! I can still kick you know - hey! That isn't fair, I'm outnumbered! MORGAN HARRIS MEOWTH HEEEEEEELP!"

"WOOOOBUFFEEEET!" screeched her Pokemon.

Morgan looked up from where he was busily counting the number of caps, making sure they were all still there. "Was that-?"

Harris took his eyes from the magazine to turn them skyward. "That sounded like-"

Meowth struggled on the tree branch till he finally broke free... and fell a rather long fall to the hard ground below. "It's Jessie y'stupid gits! They've gone an' kidnapped 'er! OW! Me poor paws, me poor tail!" Getting up somewhat shakily, he snatched the magazine from Harris. After a quick flip through (after all, he was only human... er... yeah) he tossed it over his shoulder into the forest. "C'mon! If Myst gets that 'at she'll come back 'ere an' take revenge on us, too!"

"Yeah, and Jessie'll get turned into a Magikarp," Morgan added, coming out of the woods with his collection book clutched close to his chest. "I wonder if that hurts?"

Meowth dragged the nearly blind Harris through the forest, Morgan close behind. "I think Myst's castle is over this way. We should reach it soon. 'Urry up, will you, 'oo knows wot sort of nasty things that witch 'as planned f'Jess."

"Yeah, okay, great," Harris said, sounding irritated. "We save Jessie, kill the witch, get our wishes, bada-bing. Just one little question."

"Yes?"

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO THROW AWAY MY MAGAZINE!?"

* * *

Jessie was flown through a window and plunked none-too-lightly into a darkened room at the top of Myst's castle. "Ouch! If you're gonna kidnap me you could've at least done it nicely!"

"Wob!" Wobbuffet agreed as he was dropped next to her.

She looked around, not liking the feel of the place. "This room gives me the creeps. Well, at least we're safe for the moment. No Myst, either." She laughed, confidence coming back. "Hah, I knew she was afraid of me! Some witch, pah!"

As if on cue, there was a puff of orange smoke from across the room. Myst had arrived. "I told you I'd get you before long! Pretty dumb of you to walk right into my territory, but then again, with the bodyguards you picked I shouldn't expect anything bright from _you_."

"Hey!" Jessie cried. "That's no way to talk to the Queen of the-"

"Oh give it a rest! I don't care if you're the Queen of England..."

"Um, Myst?"

"Yeah?"

"There's no 'England' in Roz."

"Oh! Right." Jessie sweat-dropped. Myst went on. "At any rate, you have no power in _my _castle! Now, the hat!" She advanced towards Jessie, who readied a mallet in case things got nasty. Myst, however, didn't get any closer that a foot before the baseball cap sent out a blast of lightning and zapped her good and hard. "OUCH! I should've known my dear boyfriend would bewitch the thing! Looks like I can't get at it while you're alive..." An evil glitter appeared in the witch's eyes.

"Huh? Oh, oh, no way. NO WAY! You can take the freakin' cap if it's that important!" Jessie tried to take it off, but only got a shock for her troubles. "What?! Terrance never told me I _couldn't_ give it to you!"

Myst cackled evilly. "Cocky little missy, whatcha gonna do now? Ahahaha!"

Jessie was about to make a bolt for the door, when she realized something. "Wait a sec... You can't hurt me while I've got the hat, and you can't get the hat until I'm dead! You can't win, can you?"

Myst blinked. "I can't? I guess not..." She sat down in front of the room's door, thinking hard. "I've got a hundred tricks, one for every year of my life, there's got to be something..." She snapped her fingers. "Sometimes I'm so stupid!"

"Can't argue with that," Jessie said weakly as the witch rummaged through a shelf of supplies. She started to edge quietly to the door. "So, what exactly are you looking-?"

"AHA!" Myst pulled out an hourglass, cackling evilly. "This'll fix your wagon!" She turned it so that the sand was slowly running down. "When that runs out you're done for, girlie, and then I get the hat and revenge for my boyfriend's death!"

Jessie sweat-dropped. "So you'll be putting me in an easily escapable situation involving an overly gruesome death?" The witch nodded. "How very _James Bond_ of you..."

"My guards'll be on the lookout for your friends, so don't think you'll be getting any help from _them_!" Myst said with a vicious laugh. "And, to keep you rom escaping..." She pointed her wand at Jessie, who immediately collapsed, knocked out. "And now, to dinner! I'm so hungry I could eat a Rapidash..." She skipped happily out the door, proud of her devious self.

"Wob... wob! WOBBUFFET!" Wobbuffet wobbed, nudging his trainer, but to no effect. "Wobuuuu?!"

* * *

Harris, Morgan and Meowth spied on the front of Myst's castle from a few yards away. There were human guards lined up around the courtyard, while a group fo Psyduck marched through the middle, chanting drearily. _"Psy-yi-yi... psyyyy-duck..."_ And so on.

"So now what?" Harris wondered aloud.

"Oi s'pose we c'd kidnap some of th' guards an' steal their uniforms," Meowth mused. "But those Psyduck're prob'ly on the lookout for two boys-"

"Two incredibly attractive boys," Harris and Morgan corrected.

"-and a Meowth," he finished with a sweat-drop. "So we'll 'ave t'think of some way..."

"Maybe if one of us acted like a prisoner!" Harris piped up.

"Yeah, but we'd still be two boys and a Meowth..." A cartoon light-bulb appeared over the cat's head. "But then again, maybe we wouldn't."

"What do you mean?" Harris asked. "Even if we managed to hide you somewhere, the only way we'd draw complete attention away from us is for one of us to dress up like a..." His eyebrows shot to the top of his head. "Oh? Ooooh!"

The two shot Morgan sneaky, sideways glances.

"Well it sounds pretty impossible to me," the cap collector remarked. He noticed their looks. "Huh? Hey, what's with the evil eye? You're not thinking... oh, oh NO WAY! There is absolutely no way you'll get me to do _that_!"

* * *

Five minutes later Morgan stood humbly in a pretty pink dress, gritting his teeth angrily. "You _so _owe me."

"No we don't," Harris said, smoothing down his uniform. "Where'd you find the dress anyway, Meowth? There aren't any girls around here."

"Oh, not t'worry, m'boy: it fell in through th' plot 'ole," Meowth assured him. He tucked himself tightly into Harris' shirt, which gave the boy a rather pot-bellied appearance. "Okay kid, troi not t' 'it any trees on th' way over. Forward march!"

The trio made their way to the front gates of the castle, Harris coming to attention when Meowth hissed for him to stop. "Found this lady runnin' around the forest. Figured Myst oughta question her."

"Aaaaah I'm so _scared_!" Morgan shrieked, cupping his hands under his chin. "Puh-_lease _don't hurt meeee!"

"Psy?" the door guard queried. He turned to his companion, talking in low voices. Turning back to Harris, he stood aside. "Psy-_duck_."

Harris saluted smartly and marched through.

"Oh no! I'm surely _doomed_!" Morgan wailed, putting a hand to his forehead. "The dark gates of eternity are opening their wicked mouths, and I am being forced into the very depths of their-"

Meowth poked a claw in his back. "You're enjoyin' this a bit too much, old chap." The front gate slammed shut behind them. "Okay, we can change out of these now."

Morgan giggled. "I dunno, I'm kinda comfortable! This skirt really lets my legs breathe, and the material is _so _soft! No wonder girls like these!"

Harris stared at him. "Morgan. No. Just... no."

Grudgingly he tossed off the dress and was back in his regular clothes. "Spoil sport."

The trio dashed up the stairs, pleasantly surprised that there were no guards to stop them. Before long they reached the smallest room in the highest tower to find themselves faced with a closed and locked door. Morgan pointed at it. "Meowth, tackle attack!"

The cat face-vaulted. "If you want t'tackle the bloody thing do it y'self!"

Harris and Morgan did just that, throwing themselves at the door time and time again. After about three minutes of this the door finally gave way, and both boys were hurled violently through the shattered wood.

"Wob!" the blue Pokemon greeted, throwing a salute and smiling. He gestured to Jessie, then the hourglass. "Buffet!"

"Holy toledoes! Her time's almost run out!" Morgan screeched. He ran over to the female Rocket and shook her a couple times. "Jessie, Jessie, wake up!" He glared at the others. "Well, don't just _stand_ there! _Do _something!"

Meowth paced up and down. "Breakin' a bewitched hourglass, breakin' a bewitched hourglass... Hm... 'Ow would y'go about doin' that?"

"Knock it over?" Harris suggested.

"Wot!? Listen, that might've worked b'fore, but Myst is sure to've gotten smarter since..." Meowth never finished. Wobbuffet had obligingly knocked the hourglass off the table, where it promptly shattered. "Y'know, next time I'll just shut up and do it th' easy way."

Jessie woke up to find herself staring straight up into a pair of green eyes, a face framed by lavender hair and... was that lipstick? "James, what are you-?"

"Hey she's all right!" Morgan cried, letting her go.

Jessie promptly fell back to the floor, smacking her head. "Ow!" The fall knocked her back into the present. "Oh, that's right. I'm in Roz, the looney bin. Well, it's about time you guys got here. What's Morgan doing wearing make-up?"

He wiped it off, blushing. "Long story. Tell you later. Can we get out of here now?"

"I thought we had to kill Myst first," Harris said. The others shot him looks. He poked his index fingers together. "Well... I just thought... since we _were _here and all..."

"And give her another chance to kill me?" Jessie laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, I'm gonna do _that_." She stood up, dusted off her skirt, and headed for the door. "Let's get out of here. I'll figure out another way to get the Boss to grant us our wishes-"

"Time should just about be up, by now," a voice wafted up from the bottom of the stairs. "The hat will be mine, and then I can go take some much-needed anger out on that girl's friends and Terrance. First, I'll start with that stupid witch, and..."

Morgan shrieked and hid behind Harris. "We're doomed, _doomed _I tell you!"

"We'll have to go up," Jessie decided. "I hope there's an exit."

"Oh, there's always an exit," Meowth said cryptically. "But o' course, it's not always one that ends in you bein' alive, heheheh..."

Jessie grabbed his paw and raced up the stairs, pace quickened at the enraged cry of, "WHAT!? She escaped!? Why that little... I'M COMIN' GIRLIE, SO YOU BETTER RUN FAST!"

The five companions ran as fast as they could, emerging from the castle on a narrow walkway nearly fifty feet from the ground. Looking ahead they saw a gang of Psyduck, cutting off their escape. Behind was the witch with a Psyduck army of her own.

Jessie turned her eyes upwards, feeling faint. "Is this the end?"

"What's going on? What's happening? Why've we stopped running?" Harris demanded, looking around. Meowth whispered what was going on in his ear. The sightless boy groaned. "Oh, no."

Myst came trotting up to the group, laughing her nastiest. "Ah, this is a nice little trap you've got yourself in, isn't it? Hah, well, if you turn yourself in then I _might _let your friends go."

Morgan stepped forward and threw his arms out. "No way! If Jessie goes, we go!" he said gallantly. He looked over his shoulder. "Right, guys?" Meowth and Harris looked away and whistled innocently. Morgan wilted. "Well... maybe not..."

The female Rocket felt tears in her eyes. "This isn't how the heroine's life is supposed to end! The witch isn't _allowed _to win! Where's that amazing streak of luck that always comes along in the movies?"

"This is real life, girlie! Now, you gonna come quietly, or do I have to pick off each and every one of your little pals? I think I'll start with the cap collector..."

"Wobbuffet!" Wobbuffet wobbed, stepping out in front of Jessie and saluting smartly.

Myst blinked. "Huh? What do you want?"

"Wob!" The Pokemon held up a Spinarak right in front of Myst's face.

She blinked once. Then twice. "A... a..." The witch dashed off the other way as fast as she could go, leaving her broom in her wake. "BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG!"

Jessie and the others sweat-dropped. "It's always easier then it looks, huh?" The Rocket picked up the broom, making a victory sign. "Looks like we won this round, eh guys?"

"What about the Psyduck?" Morgan asked, glancing nervously at the Pokemon army.

The animals cocked their heads and _psy_'d. Slowly, they turned and walked away, talking to each other in the same monotonous way.

"Guess they weren't interested in us at all. Just following orders," Harris said, observing the brutally obvious. "Question: what happens if Myst comes back?"

"Not our problem," Jessie said with a grin. "What The Boss won't know certainly won't hurt him. C'mon, let's get back to Sapphire City on the double! I need my wish granted!"

* * *

Jessie tossed the broom dramatically to The Boss. "Tada! We vanquished the witch and brought back her broom! Wish time, right?"

The shadowy figure sat silent, deep in thought. Finally, he said, "NO."

"What!?"

"No!?"

"But why!?"

"We did wot y'said!"

"I'M TIRED OF GRANTING PEOPLE WISHES JUST BECAUSE THEY DID A LITTLE THING LIKE DESTROY THE WITCH OF THE WEST."

"Little thing!?" Jessie roared, an anger-vein bursting from her forehead. "I was almost killed you stupid-"

"SILENCE! NOW... PERHAPS IF YOU WERE TO GO TO THE FAR NORTHERN PLAINS AND CUT A LOCK OF HAIR FROM THE ARMPIT OF A POLAR URSARIG..."

The four face-vaulted. "Are you kidding!?"

"I NEVER JOKE ABOUT WISHES, YOU FOOLISH MORTALS! I AM THE BOSS! I AM THE MIGHTIEST OF THE MIGHTY WIZARDS, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL, THE..."

While the Boss continued with his monologue, Wobbuffet was busy exploring the room. Finding a light switch on the far wall, he wobbed happily and flipped it on. The shadows that cloaked the mysterious Boss disappeared, revealing a middle-aged man shouting into a microphone. He stopped mid-sentence, looking around. "OH DRAT."

"_That's_ The Boss!?" Meowth cried. "_That_'_s_ the great and powerful Boss?!"

"You don't look much like a wizard," Jessie said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Which might explain why you aren't granting our wishes. That's pretty dumb, you know."

"DUMB?" He sighed, turning off the microphone. "Well, I guess so. But see, I got sent to this world by accident one day - like you did - and they all thought I was some powerful wizard - like they thought about you. So, I... went along with it. Fooled people for a while, you know..."

"Can you grant our wishes?" Morgan queried. "If not, we'll tell everyone who you really are."

He rubbed the back of his head. "Aw c'mon, give a guy a break, will you? Have a little pity." The four glared at him. "Okay how 'bout a hundred bucks. A piece. Sound good?" Stone cold looks. "Fine, fine! What do you need, I'll see what I can do."

Five minutes later they were all in The Boss' private library. Having explained their wishes, he laughed and said, "Oh, that's all? That's the kind of thing I can fix easy!" Rummaging through shelves loaded with things from around Roz and his own world- Jessie figured it must have been the same world as her own - he came up with a golden bottlecap. "Here, Morgan. Someone gave me this in payment for a wish. I didn't really know what it was, but if you want it knock yourself out."

The collector clutched the cap to his chest and giggled. "I'm happy as a schoolgirl!"

"Just don't dress up like one again," Harris said, causing Morgan to blush. "Okay, what about me?"

"For you..." The Boss pulled out a pair of stylish glasses and shoved them onto his nose. "Better?"

Harris gasped. "I can _see_!" He looked at Jessie and blushed. "Whoa... And I've been missing so much. To think one of my companions was a red-headed angel! Tell me, did it hurt when you fell from heaven...?"

While Jessie tried to fend of Harris' pick-up lines, the Boss pulled down three joke books for Meowth. "Here. Those oughta keep your audiences busy. And here's another: _The Idiot's Guide to Comedy_."

Meowth flipped to page three and laughed. "'Ey blokes, ever 'ear th' one about the blonde on the magic bridge..."

"What about me?" Jessie queried. "How're you gonna get me home?"

The Boss thought pensively. "Good question. You aren't from Roz... and I never knew exactly how I got here..." He grinned. "I'm stumped!"

She face-vaulted. "So I'm stuck here?" He nodded, and it was just too much for the stressed out Rocket. Jessie started wailing. "IT'S NOT FAIR! EVERYONE ELSE GOT WHAT THEY WANTED, BUT THE BEAUTIFUL HEROINE GETS NOTHING! ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO GO BACK TO TEAM ROCKET! IT'S NOT _FAIR_!"

The same green bubble from earlier floated out of the sky. Terrance materialized next to Jessie. "Well if all you ever wanted was to go _back_, I can take care of that easily."

She blinked, surprised to see the Warlock of the North. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"_Before _you wanted to go home and come back. I can't do that. I can get you home, but coming back is out of the question."

Jessie was torn for a moment between Queendom and home. But only for a moment. "Send me back to Team Rocket! Send me back now!"

Terrance chuckled. "Wanna say your good-byes first?" He gestured to Morgan, Harris and Meowth, who were all looking at her expectantly.

"Uh... bye guys. It's been a blast." They frowned and she sighed, opening her arms to them. "Oh, fine."

"Group hug!" Morgan cried, he and the other two nearly crushing her. The trio all started sobbing.

"I'll miss you, m'gel!"

"You made all my dreams come true!"

"You're so beautiful it's too sad to see you go!"

"Ach, thanks, thanks, I'll..." Oh, what the heck. "Yeah, I'll miss you too." They smothered her in another tear-filled hug. "But I won't if you suffocate me first! Gah! Get off!"

After fighting off the three emotional boys, Jessie turned back to Terrance. "Okay, what do I have to do?"

"It's quite simple! All you have to do is turn your cap around and say 'There's no place like Team Rocket' three times."

"That's all?"

"Mm-hm."

"Well, okay. This'd better work," she muttered under her breath, turning the hat around. "Right, so... there's no place like Team Rocket, there's no place like Team Rocket..."

* * *

"Jessie? Jessie?"

"H-hey Jess, c'mon, speak ta us."

"There's no place like..." Jessie opened her eyes. "Hm?" She looked up and saw two very worried faces - and realized with a start that they belonged to James and Meowth. "Oh! I'm back! I guess it worked!"

"You okay Jess?" Meowth asked. "We tought dat Pidgeot mighta done sometin' permanent."

James sighed in relief. "Thought you'd leave us, for a second there."

She sat up. "But I _did _leave you. And I went to this far away country. And both of you were there... er, sorta."

Her friends exchanged looks. "Uh... okay..."

She grabbed them in a hug. "But none of that matters anymore! Because I'm back, back in Team Rocket! And there's no place like Team Rocket!"


End file.
